Martin Luther King probably wouldn’t have said any of those inspiring things if he knew they were going to end up on your Facebook wall.
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) January 20, 2014
The fact that I feel proud of myself for not knowing what Flappy Bird is tells me I’m gonna be the biggest dickhead when I’m an old lady.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) February 10, 2014
I’m sorry I got salsa on your baby and I’m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
— Jamie (@spacej_me) December 14, 2013
Just got a pack of ultra sensitive condoms. You open them up and The Cure starts playing.
— Matt Donaher (@SimplyMattD) February 11, 2014
Conor Oberst has announced he’s releasing a new album! I’m only worried I’m no longer young and sad enough to appreciate it.
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) February 11, 2014
are there any religions that acknowledge that the world is a shitty, dangerous place and God is too nice a guy to have created it?
— Neil Cicierega (@neilyourself) February 5, 2014