Mostly, I feel like sitting around marathoning TV shows. I am almost embarrassed to admit I long for those times. But as I sit here and think about that, I can’t actually tell if I am enjoying it, because ninety percent of the time I’m distracted by thinking about all the things I have to do. More specifically, all of the things I have created for myself to do. I used to be incredibly goal-oriented, but that was a behaviour that was forced upon me (not that I don’t value that experience) and more or less shaped my youth. Unconsciously, I seem to have become more laid back and accepting of what life throws at me, until I was once again reminded of the power of desire.
To give you an example of how I create most things, I could say (and I would be right) that the last thing on earth I want to be doing right this moment is writing this post. I want to be frying up a portobello mushroom and covering it with butter. I’m marathoning Scrubs as I type. I am writing it because it popped into my head and I wouldn’t let myself do anything else because thinking about it annoyed me so much. This is why I drive myself crazy when I don’t have the tools with me to paint what I want, the frustration in knowing my studio is on the other side of town. They are small problems, I know this, but today is one of those days.
Sorry this post is so pointless. I’m locking myself in the studio after work for the next two weeks, for a show I’m hoping to announce pretty soon. Things are looking up, I have to keep reminding myself that something good always comes from stepping outside my comfort zone. Well, most things, lets be honest. Hunk-o-mania was pretty much exactly as terrible as I’d expected it to be.
Keep busy, if only to keep from annoying yourself.